MY PERSPECTIVE ON LOSS

CUNNINGHAM FAMILY Picnic - circa 1939
Front row l to r - Don, Moe & Guy
Rear Row l to r - Anna, Mom (Anna), Al, Roy & Dad (LeRoy)
(With Guy's death all of my family await my arrival home to
be with them in the presence of our Lord)

In my last posting I spoke about my brother Moe. Since that writing, much has happened with my youngest brother, Guy. I would like to give you my perspective of his final journey into Heaven's portals.

A few years ago I attended a memorial service for the wife of an elderly pastor friend. The young pastor tried to console the elderly man by extending condolences to him upon "THE LOSS OF HIS WIFE."

The elderly pastor responded irritably, "She's not lost, I know exactly where she is and I will see her soon!"

Today, in many respects, I feel like that elderly pastor. On Saturday, April 26, 2008, my youngest brother, Guy, died and I shall miss him greatly. In my heart I know where he is. I will join him and the rest of my family someday soon!

Knowing this however, does not make me miss him any less. While for many years we have lived on opposite sides of the country we kept in touch by phone calls and occasional visits. Neither one of us have been able to travel for the last five years, so our contacts have been over the phone. During that time he became legally blind and lost a couple of toes to diabetes. He had repeated visits to the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure.

A week ago last Saturday we talked to one another quite a bit. That evening he was readmitted to the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure and kidney problems. After being evaluated by his heart and kidney doctors he was told that anything they might attempt could be fatal. One alternative might be renal dialysis, but it would be very dangerous. He opted to return to the nursing home to spend his final hours with his wife.

I phoned him at the Hospital on Wednesday. At first, the nurse was not going to let me speak with him. I explained to her that I was his older brother. She said I could speak to him for only a few seconds. I only had time to tell him I loved him and that Shirley would be well taken care of. Barely able to speak, he gasped, "I love you to 'big brother'."

The nurse put his oxygen back on and we hung up. Over the years, Guy never did get it straight that I was not his "big brother", but his older "little" brother. I was the smallest boy in our family. We used to kid about it.

I spoke with his daughter, Elizabeth, who told me he would be going home, with hospice services, the following day. On Thursday we talked again and I learned there was a miscommunication and he would not be going home until Friday.

On Friday, I phoned my niece. She explained that she received a message from a nurse that Guy was being kept for dialysis treatment, as he had requested it. She immediately went to the hospital. Guy said he didn't understand what they were talking about and wanted to go home to be with Shirley. Elizabeth had him confirm it with the nurse and arranged, through the social worker, to have him return to the nursing home. He arrived back at the nursing home at 5:30 pm.

Shirley was elated to see him and gave him a big kiss!

She sat holding his hand while they expressed their love for one another.

A nurse took his vital readings at 11:30 PM. His condition was getting worse.

Shirley continued holding his hand. He told her, "You know Shirley that I am dying."

She responded, "Yes, Guy I know, but it is all right, we've had a wonderful fifty-one years together."

At 1:35 am, with Shirley still holding his hand, he heaved a sigh and died.

I can think of no more beautiful way for my brother to have gone home to be with the Lord than to have had the opportunity to share his love and final words of release with his wonderful wife!

HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR LOVED ONES YOU LOVE THEM? DO IT NOW!

I am thankful for a wonderful niece, Elizabeth, who cared for her parents for several years in her home and watched over their care when it became necessary for them to be admitted to a nursing home. Over the years she was fought to protect their rights to receive appropriate health care. The final effort for Guy was to assure that he was able to spend his final hours with his wife, Shirley.

One of the very wise things they did as a family was to complete Living Wills and Durable Powers of Attorney for Health Care. They also did end of life planning in advance by making prearranged funeral plans and purchasing a burial plot.

You can download a free copy of "My End Of Live Planning Guide" from this blog site.

We grieve in many ways and it is important that we do so in hope. One of the ways in which I grieve is through poetry. I wrote a poem to Guy on his Seventieth birthday. As I read it now, it gives me a sense of comfort. I hope it will do the same for those who hear it at his memorial service. Perhaps it will have special meaning to you today:

Dear Guy,

Recently I wrote to you and told you that I have tried to write poems to you, but always found that emotionally I could not finish them. However, this time I told myself that no matter what, I was going to write a poem to you for your Seventieth birthday. It falls far short of how I feel about you and your effect upon my life. You are very very special to me. Our Lord tells us that He LOVES us with an everlasting love. I believe that LOVE is reflected in our relationship and will abide with and between us throughout eternity. Here is my poem to you.

BROTHER GUY: (Meaning of Name: DIRECTOR – PEACEFUL)

James 3:18 - Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Dear brother GUY I think of you,

A special GUY so loyal true.

Over the years our LOVE has grown,

Early in life those seeds were sown.

As little kids we were quite poor,

Clothes on our backs and not much more.

But in a home where LOVE abounds,

Are special treasures to be found!

For in our youth we learned to care,

Taught our LOVE with others to share.

To help each other, neighbors too,

To start a job and see it through.

I often think of times well spent,

When you to me your wisdom lent.

We'd sit and chat of times gone by

Just share a hug and heave a sigh.

Korean war in Navy served,

From loyalty you never swerved.

Dear brother GUY I extol you,

To your beliefs you have been true.

Special husband, a giving dad.

You freely shared all that you had.

Look at the blessings in your life,

Caring daughters, a loving wife.

While growing up you made true friends,

Who will be loyal to the end.

Today some share your birthday cheer,

And we do too, though not so near.

I LOVE you GUY and always will,

My heart you always seem to fill,

With comfort, peace and endless calm,

Throughout my life you’ve been a balm.

While miles parted me and you,

And times together have been few.

We together on Heaven's shore,

Will fellowship forevermore.

LOVE IS ETERNAL AND IN CHRIST SO ARE WE!

HUGS, IN CHRIST'S

LOVE,

YOUR OLDER BROTHER AND MY PRINCESS

DON AND SHARON

January 22, 2003

Friends, again I would encourage you to express your love to your family and friends. It is best that we do so while they are with us than wish we had when they are gone.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author/Poet/Hugger copyright 4-28-2008