SOMETIMES CHRISTMAS ISN'T HO! Ho! Ho!

Yesterday, in church, I noticed two people with tears in their eyes. I hugged them and asked if there was anything I could do to encourage them. These two divorced individuals responded almost exactly alike, "No, it's just that Christmas is a hard time of year for me." Later in the week I took one of them out to lunch just to fellowship. It was relaxing fun for both of us. With divorce and death many times Christmas doesn't have a Ho, Ho, Ho atmosphere to it. It can be a very depressing time of the year for those who have been bereaved of a loved one.

Three members of my family died at Christmas time. Two brothers died within two days of Christmas. When I was twelve, my father died the Sunday following Thanksgiving. It was during the depression and in previous years Christmas was usually celebrated with homemade things. This year there was a question whether or not there would even be food on the table.

We went to bed mourning my father's death and expecting nothing. Early the following morning, as expected, there was nothing. BUT, about mid-morning , my Uncle Al and Aunt Marie arrived at our home with Christmas dinner and a toy for each of us. I received a five cell flashlight.

When it got dark I went outside and flashed the light on the windows of the hospital, over a block away! As I flashed it around a car pulled up and out stepped the guard from the hospital. He asked if I would please stop pointing the flashlight at the hospital as it was disturbing patients. I thanked him for letting me know and started flashing it at snow covered branches of trees. How the snow sparkled in the beam of light!

Thanks to a loving aunt and uncle we had an unexpected Merry Christmas. What a blessed day it turned out to be. Tears still come to my eyes when I think about it!

In yesterday's paper I read a letter to the editor condemning children whose names were on the Angel Tree because some asked for roller shoes and electronic gadgets. This he said is the reason he was not going to select a name from the tree. Obviously, he has never been poor, nor has he learned the joy of giving. Yes, there are still grinches around.

Another depressing Christmas was the year my divorce became final. I received the final notice of divorce decree Christmas week. I signed up for a divorced singles' conference the week following Christmas. I phoned a pastor friend who invited me to spend Christmas night with him and his family. As it was half the distance to the conference I accepted. I started for their home feeling very depressed. About half way there the red emergency light went on in my car and I could see steam in my rear view mirror. I was able to get off the busy freeway and pulled into a gas station just as the car clunked to a stop.

I cautiously raised the hood. The stench of burning rubber mixed with steam penetrated my nostrils. I looked and the spark plug wires were melted. I couldn't believe my eyes. A couple of weeks before I had changed the spark plugs, wires and, I thought, all of the water hoses.

I had the car towed to the Toyota dealer. The following day I was advised that the motor was not repairable. The mechanic told me I had missed one small heater hose which had burst. As with a car and so with marriage, it seems that the little oversights can lead to major damage.

Only 25% of our population have a traditional family. You are not alone in your pain. Today, when I opened the paper there was an interview with a family court judge who spoke about the stresses on broken families during the holidays. One of the things he said struck me as very important. Simply stated it was "plan ahead." What kind of planning are you doing for your "Holy-days?"

As you bring closure to one segment of your life, perhaps it is time to focus on new traditions for the fresh life you are beginning. I know, you are afraid of what lies ahead and may be depressed. I know that is how I felt sitting in my disabled car on Christmas night.

I would say start by setting reasonable expectations for yourself. There is an old saying, "Don't bite off more than you can chew." Set yourself simple objectives to begin with. Perhaps, a good beginning would be to take a walk in the park. When Sharon was in the midst of her divorce and had very little money she walked on the beach picking up cans. These she redeemed for cash. She could have stayed in her apartment bemoaning her situation; instead she took positive steps to change it.

If you have a little cash maybe going to a light, funny movie will help. If you are tempted to stay home from church - DON'T! You need fellowship with friends. Who knows, someone, like me, might even HUG you! I would also encourage you to find a church that has a divorced singles' ministry. Find folk who have been where you are and share with them your feelings. Coffee with a friend may be helpful.

Another objective could be to 'unburden" yourself of some of the things that are weighing you down. I friend once told me to look in my old "bucket" and see what I could get rid of. This simply means to examine your life and see if there are things you are doing (or thinking) that are negatively affecting you and take them out of your "bucket." Lighten your load.

I found that, while this was a necessary task, it was not an easy one. It seems like some of the things I tried to toss away kept jumping back into the bucket. As you can see by the poem I wrote some little things were set aside. I learned to live with much of what was in my bucket. The Lord strengthened my heart and arm to carry it. He will help you too!

MY OLD DENTED BUCKET

How to fill my bucket this week,

What will I find, what should I seek?

Bucket so full right to the brim,

Filled with my dreams, nightmares and whims.

Hard to sort out, bucket so full,

What shall I leave, what shall I pull?

Poke holes in it, let the dross drain,

What would be lost what will I gain?

A bucket of holes is just a sieve.

Riddled with holes is no way to live.

A new method I must conceive.

Burdens and cares I will relieve.

Lifting my bucket makes me stressed,

Can't lift it up? Sort out is best.

Take out my dreams, which can come true?

Look at nightmares, what can I do?

Pain I've had since I was a kid.

Whims so flighty kept on the lid.

You cannot fill a bucket that's full,

Leave in good things, bad one's pull.

Start at the top, what do I see,

My PRINCESS who really loves me!

Her will I keep, she is the best,

Graces my bucket unlike the rest.

I see dear Auntie sitting there,

Her hair puffed up by her stuffed chair.

Forgetting this, misplacing that,

Never quite sure of where she is at.

Even though her needs cause strain,

In the bucket she will remain.

Stick by her while our strength endures,

Stresses like these our love matures.

Keep on looking the bucket's full,

Something in there I have to pull.

Cut back on my volunteer work,

Reduce stresses that round me lurk.

Digging deeper illness I see,

Losing strength and my energy.

Learn to lighter my bucket make,

Haven't found yet what to out take.

Dented, rusted bucket of mine,

To just toss thee I would decline.

Old as you are with handle worn,

You fit my hand, you me adorn.

Dear bucket what's hidden below,

What makes me love, hold on you so?

God made you bucket just for me.

To carry my dear memories.

My bucket so loaded with care,

My dear Savior helps me to bear.

My bucket is filled to the brim,

Flowing over with thoughts of Him!

The load within, I'm free to choose,

What will I gain? What will I lose?

Whether in dale or up on a hill,

He helps me bear and always will.

Dear battered bucket life is tough,

I'll admit I've treated you rough.

And bucket when my life is through,

Like all others I'll KICK you too!

DEAR BUCKET - I REALLY DO LOVE YOu!

Don E. Cunningham ©4/16/02

I hope that during this holiday season you will find peace and comfort. If you find your bucket is too heavy to bear I pray that you will talk with a friend, your pastor or a mental health professional. You are precious in our Lord's sight, love yourself and let others share their Christian love with you.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©12-24-2007 1534