DOES GOD FORGIVE THE SIN OF DIVORCE?

I was recently asked, "Don, does the Lord forgive the sin of Divorce?"

My response was different than what the person expected. As I state in my book, I do not view divorce as a single sin. To me, for true forgiveness and healing, one must look at the composite of sins that lead us into a divorce situation. If we look at the divorce itself as being the sole sin we miss the opportunity for full forgiveness and healing. It is in the recognition and confession of the negative personality traits we nurture and of the sins we commit that we find true forgiveness and healing.

In my book, "Divorce and Remarriage Made Beautiful In His Time" I explain my perspective as follows:

"Over a period of months I read and heard what various authors and pastors said about their views on divorce. Some treated it as though the divorced person had committed the unpardonable sin. My more gracious pastor taught that it was part of God's kingdom age dispensation. Christians, being imperfect, could not be expected to live up to the standard.

While this sounded encouraging, it didn't square with what my Lord was revealing to my heart, nor did it ease my feelings of guilt. I had not read in the Scripture where God said He would forgive a Christian for living in a different dispensation. He did say He would forgive and cleanse confessed sins.

In I John 1:8-10 we read:

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive

ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess

our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us

our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a

liar, and His word is not in us."

How that squared with what I was experiencing in my heart. The more I thought on these verses and my broken platter the clearer the cause of my guilt and shame became.

Within my heart I learned DIVORCE WAS NOT JUST A SINGLE SIN, BUT A COMPOSITE OF SINS which contributed to my divorce. The broken pieces of my shattered platter were not clean as though the platter had just been removed from a dishwasher. No, they were from a dirty, germ-ridden dish that had helped cause the death of a floundering relationship.

How was I to find the broken pieces, loaded with sin, and take them to my Lord? My counseling with Dr. Samuel McDill, a Christian marriage and family counselor, was going well.

In addition to his most helpful counseling, I decided to contact the widow of the Christian psychologist from whom I received counseling when attempting to save my marriage. Fortunately, she was understanding and willingly sent me not only my tests results but also his notes. What a God-send!

The next few months I prayed and poured over all the material she sent me and discussed it with Dr. Sam. Through these insights I picked up my broken pieces and began to put my platter back together. Oh, the imperfections, no, dark sins I needed to deal with. How my soul agonized over those broken pieces - selfishness, blocking, denial, internal anger, and insecurity. While there had been no marital infidelity, how far I fell short of the admonitions in I Corinthians 13. What a large dirty platter it had been.

I scrutinized each of these sin areas in my life and forced myself to see them for what they were. I looked at how adversely they affected my marriage and confessed them to my Lord and Savior. Cleansing and a new sense of peace entered my life." (Pages 66-67)

I imagine after reading this you are probably wondering about my reference to "the broken pieces of my shattered platter." Christ said that the law of Moses permitted divorce because of the "hardness of the heart." In my experience it took the form of a platter!

Let me share part of that experience with you.

"Absent-mindedly I pushed a Doug Oldham tape into my cassette player: It was a song that spoke of failure in life, not accomplishing plans, being shattered and taking the broken parts of our lives to the Lord, knowing that He understands.

While I had listened to the tape several times before, I did not remember hearing Doug singing that chorus before. I pushed the rewind button and played it over and over again.

A river of emotions flooded my soul and gushed forth in teardrops. What release came as I found myself singing along with Doug. The words of Jesus to the Pharisees, explaining why the law of Moses permitted divorce flashed, through my mind, "...because of the hardness of your hearts."

As I listened to the song over and over again I remembered that the Lord is our potter and we are His clay. As long as the clay remains pliable it can be molded. Once it has been hardened, by the fire of sin in our lives, it must be broken. There on the mountain I saw the platter of my hardened heart drop to the floor of God's love and break into a multitude of assorted pieces.

How I had been struggling with the guilt of divorce. Christians just don't get divorced. Yet, why was it, that even in the moments of deepest despair I had sensed God's love toward me? Here in my valley of despair I had experienced God's mountain-top of love and understanding.

He was beginning to show me the path He would have me walk through my valley of divorce. It would be a path of picking up the shattered pieces, taking them to Him for cleansing and using the glue of His healing love to put them back together. I began to feel an immense weight being lifted from me. For the first time in months when I arrived home I fell asleep and slept straight through the night." (Pages 65-66)

Do I believe that God, through Christ, forgives the sin of divorce? Most assuredly I do. In my experience He does far more than that, He forgives all confessed sins leading up to divorce. With repentance and confession of our sins He brings healing and growth. Is He not the God who has loved us with an everlasting love?

Wherever you are in your journey through divorce our Lord is working to draw you to Himself with His arms of loving kindness. Right now would be a good time to give yourself a big hug and think of his tender, comforting arms about you.

In an upcoming blog I will be posting a poem which I wrote shortly after my "broken platter" experience. In the appendix of my book there are scripture texts between each verse that capture the spirit of the poem. Until next time,

HUGS, IN CHRIST'S AND MY LOVE,

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©11-27-07 1170