FRUITION - MOVING TOWARD REMARRIAGE

This week in our Remarriage session we will be looking at giving your relationship time to grow and move toward fruition. Before jumping back into marriage it is important that couples take time to really know each other. Divorcemagazine.com cites statistics (1997) that show 60% of remarriages end in divorce. The more a couple know and understand each other the greater the possibility that their second marriage will last.

Following our seventh anniversary Aunt Joyce said to Sharon, in a very serious tone, "I can breathe easier now, your first marriage lasted seven years, but you and Don are still like honeymooners." Sharon and I roared with laughter. Interestingly statistics show that seven years is the median for divorces occurring in second marriages.

During our courtship Sharon and I enjoyed sharing our life stories with one another. Being open and listening to one another is basic in establishing a solid relationship. It is important to kow what your partner is going to bring to your marriage. What is the history you are going to carry into your marriage?

A sound relationship takes nurturing that must begin during courtship and continue on into your married years. Remember to nurture plants you must know what kind of plant it is and what care it needs to improve growth. And so it is with marriage. Learn to know own another's strengths and weaknesses so that you can nurture one another in love.

Learn to enjoy one another's presence. If you see areas of incompatibility realize that these can drastically affect your relationship after marriage. If there are major personality differences think hard and long before entering into that relationship. It is rare that you can "change" someone after you marry. Don't be deluded about your love being able to win the other person over. Change comes from within an individual. Can't expect a person to change after remarriage if they haven't changed during their divorce experience.

As I noted in a previous session, during our courtship Sharon and I took the Taylor Johnson Temperament Profile. We had a very close match up. Testing may be a good way for a couple to better learn the strengths and weaknesses within their relationship and work toward a more solid marriage.

Jim Smoke's book "Growing in Remarriage" refers to Seasons of marriage. I believe the seeds sown during courtship helps you enjoy the fruit of your labor in marriage. In my book I wrote the following (P 153):

In his book, Growing in Remarriage, Jim Smoke devotes a
chapter to "The Seasons of Marriage." It illustrates the stages
of remarriage growth through the four seasons of the year. The
seeds of love Sharon and I had sown in the spring of our courtship
and marriage had taken root. Summer had warmed and
nurtured them into strong, growing plants. We had the beauty
of flowers all around us. The vegetables and fruits that would
nourish our marriage were growing toward the harvest of an
abundant life together. There were none of the bugs or weeds
in our relationship that sometimes plague remarried couples.
While there were some health trials trying to take root, we were
enjoying our marital bliss.

Frequently, in this workshop I make reference to the role poetry played in our courtship and continues to play in our marriage. The two poems that follow were written just before Sharon accepted my proposal to marry. (Pgs 124 & 125)

Sharon - My Rose

Sharon, my rose, as life unfolds,
Your clear beauty my eye beholds.
Your fragrance floats through my life's air
Bringing such sweetness - Oh, so fair.

Your body soft, so very slim
Designed and special built by Him
Enshrines a tender heart of love
And lifts me to the heights above.

The stars seem closer than before
My soul cries out, "I love you more."
Let mind conceive and heart confess
You bring undying happiness.

Your beauty like your hair is gold
I'm blessed by God, you to behold.
The deep still pools I peer into -
Your sparkling eyes of gray and blue.

Your lips so warm, so soft with charm
Speaking with love can bring no harm.
Your dainty hands with special touch
Lift up my soul so very much.

Bow drawn across a violin
Brings forth sweet music from within.
And your soft words breathed in my ear
Speak to my heart with joy and cheer.

Our arms enfold in warm caress
A token of togetherness.
The beauty of our first embrace
Leaves on my soul its special trace.

In Fathomless Love,

Don

Battle of the Heart
Response to Poem "Sharon - My Rose" and Rose I gave her

Oh, you were out to
win my heart
and I
to fight the giving,
The contest wasn't
fair, you see,
for love's
a need for living.

What moment was it
that you won?
when was
the tender hour?
That time of capture
of my heart
by your
poem and your flower!

Sharon

It is my prayer, that as you move through courtship and on into marriage that your relationship over the years will be as blessed as Sharon and mine. Next week we will look at Foundations of Remarriage.

Hugs, In Christ's Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author © 6/19/07 839