SCRIPTURE AND ADULTERY 101

If you are visiting my website you may be looking for insights regarding the infidelity of a spouse. A friend recently sent me some statistics about people visiting websites and what they are looking for. The vast majority visiting websites dealing with divorce are looking for information on infidelity in a marriage relationship.

You may be struggling with the issue of infidelity/adultery and what the scripture has to say about it. In my last blog I told you that I would be doing further study into that area of scripture.

My review of scriptural teaching regarding adultery (infidelity) has made for an interesting journey. It has led me through a search of scripture and reviews of the Pulpit Commentary and the Expositor's Bible. I hope you will join me as I summarize what I have found.

The first verse that drew my attention was Exodus 20:4 - "You shall not commit adultery." (KJV) The Hebrew word na'aph has a primitive root meaning: "to commit adultery." It is used figuratively, "to apostatize, that is, to abandon what one has believed in." Both the root and the figurative meanings come into play when a partner is unfaithful to his marriage vows. He has forsaken the commitment made to his beloved at the time of their wedding. He has untied the knot binding them together.

Can one treat such a command from God lightly? No, it is a violation against our Lord, our spouses, children and the church.

The Pulpit Commentary interprets this act with very strong language: "When a man by anticipation, or after marriage, breaks the marriage vow; when a woman acquiesces in the crime thus perpetrated, it is murder aimed at the collective life of the family. Madness for society to make light of such a crime, which, if permitted, must destroy society. For notice, the family, not the individual, is the ultimate social unit."

In Proverbs 6:32 and 33 we read: "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away." (KJV)

In these verses we see the type of man (or woman) who commits adultery and the affect it has on him personally. As I reflect upon "lacks understanding," there are several areas in which this lack is evident.

FIRST, he clearly doesn't understand the affect it has on his soul. It creates a great chasm between him and his Lord. The Expositor's Bible outlines the self destructive consequences applied to the adulterer:

"But the adulterer, on account of want of intelligence, loses his life." He that doeth it destroyeth his own soul; or literally, whoso will destroy his life he will do this, i.e. adultery. So Ariae Montani, Munsterus, Chaldee Targum. The man who commits adultery is a self murderer.

The phrase, mashkith naph'sho, corrumpens animam suam, may be resolved into the concrete : a self-destroyer," as Delitzsch.

The following verses seem to indicate that it is the temporal life which is referred to in nephesh, but the meaning of the term may be extended to embrace not only physical loss of life, but also moral and spiritual loss. By the Levitical Law adultery was punished by death."

SECOND, he lacks a sense of fidelity in his commitment to his wife and family. He fails to recognize the devastating affect it has on the very core of this most sacred relationship. He tears apart the sanctified union he vowed to uphold in his marriage ceremony. The two that had become one suffer the agony of being torn asunder.

THIRD, he fails to recognize that his marriage is the biblical symbol of his relationship with Christ. He destroys the very essence of being the bride of Christ. (Ephesians 5:255-28) As we shall see later, our Lord has felt the full impact of an adulterous people. The very people whom He loved with an everlasting love, rejected Him and turned to others for the fulfillment of their fantasies.

FOURTH, he lacks understanding of the devastating affect he can have on the life of the other person with whom he has sexual intercourse. This in turn can devastate the other person's family relationships. The verses following the ones I cited above speak of the anger and revenge of the spouse who has been injured.

FIFTH, as in the case of other forms of spousal abuse, he may accuse his spouse/victim of causing him to enter into adultery, but he cannot avoid his accountability for his actions. Accusations against a spouse is often a ploy to cover their own guilt. As the scripture says, he will be dishonored and his reproach will not be wiped away. Ultimately, he will reap the consequences of his actions.

In my next blog I will be looking at incidences of adultery, both against God and spouses. We will look especially at infidelity as it relates to grace. Is there hope for a marriage where one or both spouses have been unfaithful?

I apologize for the delay in posting this blog. My reading and writing have been limited by some eye irritation that is slowly clearing up.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©10/27/07 858

LOSS THROUGH INFIDELITY OF A SPOUSE

When Sharon and I hosted a divorced singles group in our home, one of our group members thought her former husband would realize, that if her best friend would steal him from her, how ruthless she was and return to her. She had nursed this notion for twelve years and no one could dissuade her from that train of thought. She failed to recognize that her former husband made the choice to leave her. She was unable to face the reality of being rejected by both her husband and her best friend.

Jim Smoke, in his book, "Growing Through Divorce", notes that very few individuals who have had an affair return to their spouses. Their focus is primarily upon the new person in their life. He and I believe that the only way back after an affair is through the door of a counselor. The couple would need to deal with the core issues of forgiveness and renewal of trust.[i]

"Growing Through Divorce" was very helpful to me as I was "growing" through my Divorce. I recommend it to you. If you are to the point in your journey where you are considering remarriage Jim Smoke's book, "Growing Through Remarriage", contains many helpful insights. He has been helping divorced singles for over thirty years. He has authored 18 books focusing on helping singles and singles again.

Infidelity in a relationship is a bitter pill to swallow. Once the pill is swallowed it can lead to a life of bitterness and anger. With the death of a relationship one can become overwhelmed by feelings of loss, rejection, grief, bewilderment, loneliness, and anger. Even though one is stressed out and confused major decisions must be made. Some will look for a "rescuer" and not work through the problems facing them. If not careful, the vulnerable injured party, may, to their one detriment, enter into a new relationship before they resolve their heartbreak issues.

Wiser individuals will recognize that they are responsible for their own future and will begin to deal with issues confronting them.

As the journey begins it will seem like the obstacles ahead are insurmountable. As one who has walked that path I can assure you that step by step you will overcome. In the early stages of your healing you will feel the pain intensely. Gradually, the pain will subside and you will notice that things are beginning to fall into place for you.

A few months ago I had a major upper respiratory infection that hospitalized me for several days. I came home weak and on oxygen. I was homebound for a month and underwent occupational and physical therapies. I found it very difficult to walk.

Slowly I started back on my treadmill for five minutes at one mile an hour 2 to 3 times a week. By the time I was finished I was out of breath and my legs hurt so much I could barely stand. My doctor prescribed a blood thinner to help my circulation. My lung doctor prescribed xolair shots for me to help my lung condition. Gradually, I have built up to 15 minutes at speeds up to 2.5 mph and a distance of a little over one half a mile, 4 to 5 times a week. Eventually, all of these areas will be increased. I am seeing measurable improvement and feel a little better. It will take time.

Why do I mention this. Because it illustrates the healing process and equates with our life journey. Notice the parallels. I was physically knocked off my feet and in severe pain. You have been knocked off your feet emotionally. I had caring people around me to help me back up. It is important that you find supportive friends and family to help you get on the path to your future.
My health issues required that I seek professional help. Each issue required a specialist. You would be wise to seek professional help to guide you toward realistic goals and help you attain them. Like me your issues may require more than one specialist. (Psychologist, or Family Counselor or pastor, Financial Advisor, Divorce Attorney and employment-educational counselor). You may also find support in a Christian divorced singles' group. In my book I relate the crucial roles my counselor and singles' group played in my growth.

Ultimately, it is me who has assumed responsibility for my health; set my goals and am walking on my treadmill. Basically, it is you who must take responsibility for your future; set realistic goals and get on your "treadmill" to attain them. As you do, remember the Lord walks with you through your valley. (Psalm 23)

Next time I will be looking at scriptural references to adultery and how it relates to our relationship with our Lord and to spouses. Your comments and questions will be appreciated.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©10/15/07 756
[i] Jim Smoke, "Growing Through Divorce", Harvest House Publishers, p. 146