POST CHRISTMAS PONDERING

The day after Christmas I read two articles in our local paper. One was based on an interview with a Mental Health Counselor. She was addressing the fact that many adults and children become severely depressed following the holidays, even to the point of contemplating suicide. She spoke with great urgency that individuals share their concerns with family, friends, pastors and mental health counselors. She went on to say the guidance clinic has a high influx of people after Christmas.

The second article was by a child guidance counselor who spoke of the importance of providing counseling to children living with domestic violence. Last year I read that the heaviest day of the year for domestic violence was the day of the Super Bowl.

If you are in either one of these situations I would suggest that you talk with someone who is close to you and seek professional help. You may find it helpful to review the blog I posted on May 29, 2007 titled, "Family, Frustrations, Fears and Fatalities."

This morning I read another article about a homeless child who would rather live on the street than in her home where an adult cousin was sexually abusing her. Her parents did not believe her, became angry with her and felt sad for the abusive cousin who had enough problems in his home.

While she lives in an abandoned car at the edge of the forest, she has friends from church who take her in on weekends, giving her food and clothing to help her get through the week. She is a 'B" student and hopes to gain a scholarship to college.

I am thankful there are friends who are sharing her burden with her. It brings to mind Paul's words to the Galatians: 6:25 "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden."

It is inspiring to me that this young girl is carrying the heaviest part of her burden, while Christian friends are carrying the part she herself cannot bear alone. She is living out, in her daily walk, these basic scriptural instructions.

If you are at a low point in your life may I encourage you to remember, our Heavenly Father loves us with an everlasting love. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He tells us: "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd gives his life for the sheep," (John 10:10b & 11) Whether we are on the mountain top or walking through the valley He is our Shepherd.

As you ponder your life and relationship with God, I hope the following poem I wrote will be an encouragement to you.

CHRISTMAS PONDERING

"And Mary pondered all these things..."

Might I not do the same?

To ponder deep within my heart,

Why my Lord and Savior came.

Was it not to touch our lives,

And make our blind eyes see;

To touch our hearts in love,

And set our spirits free?

Oh, can it be that Jesus came,

Sent by our Father's love;

Giving a gift beyond compare,

Redeeming us from above?

A new life He truly gave,

Abundant, eternal, free.

I have but to accept the gift

To live eternally.

He came into the world a babe,

Oh! Hear the angels sing.

And Pontius Pilate too proclaimed,

Oh, world, "Behold, your King!"

The words were sung with love one night,

A song from heaven clear.

But when they came from Pilate's lips,

'Twas with a grievous sneer.

Oh, friend of mine does your heart sing

With heaven's special joy?

Or do you sneer in mockery,

And epitaphs employ?

Christmas is a special time

To ponder in our hearts;

All the love that God has given.

How all His joy imparts.

What of this love I have received,

Cannot I also give?

To touch the lives of those I love;

The ones with whom I live.

I may not change our world's course,

Or rise to its acclaim.

But help me Lord in all I do,

To honor Your precious name.

And may I as I walk life's way,

Ponder all these things.

So live Your Word in daily life,

So others too might sing!

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©12/28/2007 762

SOMETIMES CHRISTMAS ISN'T HO! Ho! Ho!

Yesterday, in church, I noticed two people with tears in their eyes. I hugged them and asked if there was anything I could do to encourage them. These two divorced individuals responded almost exactly alike, "No, it's just that Christmas is a hard time of year for me." Later in the week I took one of them out to lunch just to fellowship. It was relaxing fun for both of us. With divorce and death many times Christmas doesn't have a Ho, Ho, Ho atmosphere to it. It can be a very depressing time of the year for those who have been bereaved of a loved one.

Three members of my family died at Christmas time. Two brothers died within two days of Christmas. When I was twelve, my father died the Sunday following Thanksgiving. It was during the depression and in previous years Christmas was usually celebrated with homemade things. This year there was a question whether or not there would even be food on the table.

We went to bed mourning my father's death and expecting nothing. Early the following morning, as expected, there was nothing. BUT, about mid-morning , my Uncle Al and Aunt Marie arrived at our home with Christmas dinner and a toy for each of us. I received a five cell flashlight.

When it got dark I went outside and flashed the light on the windows of the hospital, over a block away! As I flashed it around a car pulled up and out stepped the guard from the hospital. He asked if I would please stop pointing the flashlight at the hospital as it was disturbing patients. I thanked him for letting me know and started flashing it at snow covered branches of trees. How the snow sparkled in the beam of light!

Thanks to a loving aunt and uncle we had an unexpected Merry Christmas. What a blessed day it turned out to be. Tears still come to my eyes when I think about it!

In yesterday's paper I read a letter to the editor condemning children whose names were on the Angel Tree because some asked for roller shoes and electronic gadgets. This he said is the reason he was not going to select a name from the tree. Obviously, he has never been poor, nor has he learned the joy of giving. Yes, there are still grinches around.

Another depressing Christmas was the year my divorce became final. I received the final notice of divorce decree Christmas week. I signed up for a divorced singles' conference the week following Christmas. I phoned a pastor friend who invited me to spend Christmas night with him and his family. As it was half the distance to the conference I accepted. I started for their home feeling very depressed. About half way there the red emergency light went on in my car and I could see steam in my rear view mirror. I was able to get off the busy freeway and pulled into a gas station just as the car clunked to a stop.

I cautiously raised the hood. The stench of burning rubber mixed with steam penetrated my nostrils. I looked and the spark plug wires were melted. I couldn't believe my eyes. A couple of weeks before I had changed the spark plugs, wires and, I thought, all of the water hoses.

I had the car towed to the Toyota dealer. The following day I was advised that the motor was not repairable. The mechanic told me I had missed one small heater hose which had burst. As with a car and so with marriage, it seems that the little oversights can lead to major damage.

Only 25% of our population have a traditional family. You are not alone in your pain. Today, when I opened the paper there was an interview with a family court judge who spoke about the stresses on broken families during the holidays. One of the things he said struck me as very important. Simply stated it was "plan ahead." What kind of planning are you doing for your "Holy-days?"

As you bring closure to one segment of your life, perhaps it is time to focus on new traditions for the fresh life you are beginning. I know, you are afraid of what lies ahead and may be depressed. I know that is how I felt sitting in my disabled car on Christmas night.

I would say start by setting reasonable expectations for yourself. There is an old saying, "Don't bite off more than you can chew." Set yourself simple objectives to begin with. Perhaps, a good beginning would be to take a walk in the park. When Sharon was in the midst of her divorce and had very little money she walked on the beach picking up cans. These she redeemed for cash. She could have stayed in her apartment bemoaning her situation; instead she took positive steps to change it.

If you have a little cash maybe going to a light, funny movie will help. If you are tempted to stay home from church - DON'T! You need fellowship with friends. Who knows, someone, like me, might even HUG you! I would also encourage you to find a church that has a divorced singles' ministry. Find folk who have been where you are and share with them your feelings. Coffee with a friend may be helpful.

Another objective could be to 'unburden" yourself of some of the things that are weighing you down. I friend once told me to look in my old "bucket" and see what I could get rid of. This simply means to examine your life and see if there are things you are doing (or thinking) that are negatively affecting you and take them out of your "bucket." Lighten your load.

I found that, while this was a necessary task, it was not an easy one. It seems like some of the things I tried to toss away kept jumping back into the bucket. As you can see by the poem I wrote some little things were set aside. I learned to live with much of what was in my bucket. The Lord strengthened my heart and arm to carry it. He will help you too!

MY OLD DENTED BUCKET

How to fill my bucket this week,

What will I find, what should I seek?

Bucket so full right to the brim,

Filled with my dreams, nightmares and whims.

Hard to sort out, bucket so full,

What shall I leave, what shall I pull?

Poke holes in it, let the dross drain,

What would be lost what will I gain?

A bucket of holes is just a sieve.

Riddled with holes is no way to live.

A new method I must conceive.

Burdens and cares I will relieve.

Lifting my bucket makes me stressed,

Can't lift it up? Sort out is best.

Take out my dreams, which can come true?

Look at nightmares, what can I do?

Pain I've had since I was a kid.

Whims so flighty kept on the lid.

You cannot fill a bucket that's full,

Leave in good things, bad one's pull.

Start at the top, what do I see,

My PRINCESS who really loves me!

Her will I keep, she is the best,

Graces my bucket unlike the rest.

I see dear Auntie sitting there,

Her hair puffed up by her stuffed chair.

Forgetting this, misplacing that,

Never quite sure of where she is at.

Even though her needs cause strain,

In the bucket she will remain.

Stick by her while our strength endures,

Stresses like these our love matures.

Keep on looking the bucket's full,

Something in there I have to pull.

Cut back on my volunteer work,

Reduce stresses that round me lurk.

Digging deeper illness I see,

Losing strength and my energy.

Learn to lighter my bucket make,

Haven't found yet what to out take.

Dented, rusted bucket of mine,

To just toss thee I would decline.

Old as you are with handle worn,

You fit my hand, you me adorn.

Dear bucket what's hidden below,

What makes me love, hold on you so?

God made you bucket just for me.

To carry my dear memories.

My bucket so loaded with care,

My dear Savior helps me to bear.

My bucket is filled to the brim,

Flowing over with thoughts of Him!

The load within, I'm free to choose,

What will I gain? What will I lose?

Whether in dale or up on a hill,

He helps me bear and always will.

Dear battered bucket life is tough,

I'll admit I've treated you rough.

And bucket when my life is through,

Like all others I'll KICK you too!

DEAR BUCKET - I REALLY DO LOVE YOu!

Don E. Cunningham ©4/16/02

I hope that during this holiday season you will find peace and comfort. If you find your bucket is too heavy to bear I pray that you will talk with a friend, your pastor or a mental health professional. You are precious in our Lord's sight, love yourself and let others share their Christian love with you.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©12-24-2007 1534

DIVORCE'S DEPRESSION - FORGIVENESS'S DELIGHT

At the conclusion of my last blog I told you I would include, in my next posting, a poem that I wrote following my struggle with the issue of whether or not Our Lord would forgive the sins of divorce. Hopefully, after reading my last blog, you have become confident that, with repentance and confession of the sins that contributed to your divorce, God will most assuredly bring forgiveness and healing into your life.

Initially, I was only going to post the poem, but as I thought about it, I decided to include the scripture I applied to my life while growing through this experience. It will make it a little more difficult for you to read and I would suggest that the first time you read it you skip the scripture verses and read only the poem itself. Once you have become comfortable with the poem, then go back and read it one verse at a time and apply the scripture below it to your current feelings and perceptions.

The poem written below, with applicable verses interspersed between stanzas, may help you experience the richness of God's word as you apply it throughout your journey through the valley of the shadow of divorce.

Divorce's Depression - Forgiveness's Delight

I wept all night, depressed alone,

For my sins He could not atone.

My heart broken, I wept and wept,

My soul by Him could not be kept.

Stanza One - Psalm 119:14 - 19 - I cry out with my whole heart, hear me, O Lord! I will keep Your statutes. I cry out to You; Save me, and I will keep Your testimonies. I rise before the dawning of the morning, and cry for help; I hope in Your word. My eyes are awake through the night watches, that I may meditate on Your word. Hear my voice according to Your loving-kindness; O Lord, revive me according to Your justice.

I wept all night, depressed alone,

There were those who cast a first stone.

My heart cried out, "Where are you God,

Would I be best beneath the sod?"

Stanza Two - John 8:7, 10 & 11 - So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one Lord." And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."

Romans 7:24 & 25 - In chapter seven Paul struggles with the effect of the law, sin and death finally crying out, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin."

Dreadful sin, in my deep remorse,

Could not keep it from its course.

Must I forever then remain,

Beneath its sinful rotten stain?

Stanza Three - Isaiah 53:5 - But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."

I Peter 2:24 - "Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness - by whose stripes we are healed."

Hebrews 8:12 - "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more."

Then one bright night a new song came,

It did my raging heartache tame.

It sang of broken hearts and plans,

And said to place them in Christ's hands.

Stanza 4 - Doug Oldham singing the hymn "Pick Up The Broken Pieces." This hymn speaks of failing and not accomplishing what you wanted to in your life. It goes on to tell you to pick up the pieces and take them to our understanding Savior. It gave me the picture of my broken platter of life needing to be cleansed and put back together by our Lord.

Divorce is a sin composite,

My heart doth grieve and wants to quit.

In hardened arteries of my soul,

I let sins take their dreadful toll.

Stanza Five - Matthew 5:4 - "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

Romans 8:16 - "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God."

A hardened heart, shattered, broken,

The Potter's hand it has spoken.

Pick up each piece as it's my sin

Let my Lord cleanse me from within.

Stanza Six - Psalm 95:7b&8a - "Today, if you will hear His voice; do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion."

Isaiah 64:8 - "But now, O Lord, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the works of Your Hand."

Romans 9:21-23 - "Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? What if God, wanting to show His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much long-suffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, and that He might make known the riches of His glory on the vessels of mercy, which He had prepared beforehand for His glory, even us whom He called not of the Jews only, but also of the gentiles?"

Then I came to my Savior fair,

Confessed each sin and tarried there.

He cleansed me of my sins galore,

And told me, "Go, and sin no more."

Stanza Seven - Same verses as Stanza 2 - John 8:7 - 10 & 11.

I John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

My spirit leapt, I found His grace,

Each of my sins was cleansed—erased.

I could rejoice in heart and soul.

You see, His grace had made me whole.

Stanza Eight - Ephesians 2:8-10 - "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the grace of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."

Fresh tears flowed down, I found release

My Savior brought me precious peace.

A special text, I now make mine,

'Tis First John one, the verse is nine.

Stanza Nine - I John 1:9 - Same as stanza seven I John 1:9

Now free at last my loss was gain,

As His blessed child I still remain.

Dear Lord don't ever let me slip,

And lose our precious fellowship.

Stanza Ten - John 1:12 - "But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name."

Romans 8:14 - 16 - "For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God."

Philippians 2:1 & 2 - "Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind."

II Corinthians 13:14 - "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen"

As I was preparing to post my poem I thought some of you ladies might think, "This poem is from a man's perspective, can it be applied to my life?" While I believe that it definitely can, especially, within the context of scripture, I am including a poem written by my wife. Sharon. She wrote it during her divorce, when she was dealing with feelings similar to those expressed in my poem.

Married No More

Marriage over and nothing right,

I prayed to God in depth of night:

Soul in torment, torn askew -

"Guide me Lord, in what to do."

It hurts so much so deep inside

And I've so little of my pride.

I take my pain of sin to you,

And the sting of failure, too.

Though I've cried and screamed within,

You've told me I could begin again.

A message came as if out loud:

"My child, hide not behind your cloud.

Do not let your heart be stone

You were not made to be alone.

Trust in me to make things right,

Another lies lonely in the night.

Asking just the same as you -

How to cope and what to do.

You know I see the sparrow's fall,

So be assured, I hear your call.

Lie still, be patient, wait on me,

I'll direct what's meant to be."

A sense of peace then settled round,

When my trust in God at last I found.

Sharon

I hope you will find blessing and encouragement as you meditate on these two poems. I look forward to visiting with you again soon. Any comments or questions you may have are always welcome.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love

Don E. Cunningham, Author © 12/6/07 1567