MY PERSPECTIVE ON LOSS

CUNNINGHAM FAMILY Picnic - circa 1939
Front row l to r - Don, Moe & Guy
Rear Row l to r - Anna, Mom (Anna), Al, Roy & Dad (LeRoy)
(With Guy's death all of my family await my arrival home to
be with them in the presence of our Lord)

In my last posting I spoke about my brother Moe. Since that writing, much has happened with my youngest brother, Guy. I would like to give you my perspective of his final journey into Heaven's portals.

A few years ago I attended a memorial service for the wife of an elderly pastor friend. The young pastor tried to console the elderly man by extending condolences to him upon "THE LOSS OF HIS WIFE."

The elderly pastor responded irritably, "She's not lost, I know exactly where she is and I will see her soon!"

Today, in many respects, I feel like that elderly pastor. On Saturday, April 26, 2008, my youngest brother, Guy, died and I shall miss him greatly. In my heart I know where he is. I will join him and the rest of my family someday soon!

Knowing this however, does not make me miss him any less. While for many years we have lived on opposite sides of the country we kept in touch by phone calls and occasional visits. Neither one of us have been able to travel for the last five years, so our contacts have been over the phone. During that time he became legally blind and lost a couple of toes to diabetes. He had repeated visits to the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure.

A week ago last Saturday we talked to one another quite a bit. That evening he was readmitted to the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure and kidney problems. After being evaluated by his heart and kidney doctors he was told that anything they might attempt could be fatal. One alternative might be renal dialysis, but it would be very dangerous. He opted to return to the nursing home to spend his final hours with his wife.

I phoned him at the Hospital on Wednesday. At first, the nurse was not going to let me speak with him. I explained to her that I was his older brother. She said I could speak to him for only a few seconds. I only had time to tell him I loved him and that Shirley would be well taken care of. Barely able to speak, he gasped, "I love you to 'big brother'."

The nurse put his oxygen back on and we hung up. Over the years, Guy never did get it straight that I was not his "big brother", but his older "little" brother. I was the smallest boy in our family. We used to kid about it.

I spoke with his daughter, Elizabeth, who told me he would be going home, with hospice services, the following day. On Thursday we talked again and I learned there was a miscommunication and he would not be going home until Friday.

On Friday, I phoned my niece. She explained that she received a message from a nurse that Guy was being kept for dialysis treatment, as he had requested it. She immediately went to the hospital. Guy said he didn't understand what they were talking about and wanted to go home to be with Shirley. Elizabeth had him confirm it with the nurse and arranged, through the social worker, to have him return to the nursing home. He arrived back at the nursing home at 5:30 pm.

Shirley was elated to see him and gave him a big kiss!

She sat holding his hand while they expressed their love for one another.

A nurse took his vital readings at 11:30 PM. His condition was getting worse.

Shirley continued holding his hand. He told her, "You know Shirley that I am dying."

She responded, "Yes, Guy I know, but it is all right, we've had a wonderful fifty-one years together."

At 1:35 am, with Shirley still holding his hand, he heaved a sigh and died.

I can think of no more beautiful way for my brother to have gone home to be with the Lord than to have had the opportunity to share his love and final words of release with his wonderful wife!

HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR LOVED ONES YOU LOVE THEM? DO IT NOW!

I am thankful for a wonderful niece, Elizabeth, who cared for her parents for several years in her home and watched over their care when it became necessary for them to be admitted to a nursing home. Over the years she was fought to protect their rights to receive appropriate health care. The final effort for Guy was to assure that he was able to spend his final hours with his wife, Shirley.

One of the very wise things they did as a family was to complete Living Wills and Durable Powers of Attorney for Health Care. They also did end of life planning in advance by making prearranged funeral plans and purchasing a burial plot.

You can download a free copy of "My End Of Live Planning Guide" from this blog site.

We grieve in many ways and it is important that we do so in hope. One of the ways in which I grieve is through poetry. I wrote a poem to Guy on his Seventieth birthday. As I read it now, it gives me a sense of comfort. I hope it will do the same for those who hear it at his memorial service. Perhaps it will have special meaning to you today:

Dear Guy,

Recently I wrote to you and told you that I have tried to write poems to you, but always found that emotionally I could not finish them. However, this time I told myself that no matter what, I was going to write a poem to you for your Seventieth birthday. It falls far short of how I feel about you and your effect upon my life. You are very very special to me. Our Lord tells us that He LOVES us with an everlasting love. I believe that LOVE is reflected in our relationship and will abide with and between us throughout eternity. Here is my poem to you.

BROTHER GUY: (Meaning of Name: DIRECTOR – PEACEFUL)

James 3:18 - Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Dear brother GUY I think of you,

A special GUY so loyal true.

Over the years our LOVE has grown,

Early in life those seeds were sown.

As little kids we were quite poor,

Clothes on our backs and not much more.

But in a home where LOVE abounds,

Are special treasures to be found!

For in our youth we learned to care,

Taught our LOVE with others to share.

To help each other, neighbors too,

To start a job and see it through.

I often think of times well spent,

When you to me your wisdom lent.

We'd sit and chat of times gone by

Just share a hug and heave a sigh.

Korean war in Navy served,

From loyalty you never swerved.

Dear brother GUY I extol you,

To your beliefs you have been true.

Special husband, a giving dad.

You freely shared all that you had.

Look at the blessings in your life,

Caring daughters, a loving wife.

While growing up you made true friends,

Who will be loyal to the end.

Today some share your birthday cheer,

And we do too, though not so near.

I LOVE you GUY and always will,

My heart you always seem to fill,

With comfort, peace and endless calm,

Throughout my life you’ve been a balm.

While miles parted me and you,

And times together have been few.

We together on Heaven's shore,

Will fellowship forevermore.

LOVE IS ETERNAL AND IN CHRIST SO ARE WE!

HUGS, IN CHRIST'S

LOVE,

YOUR OLDER BROTHER AND MY PRINCESS

DON AND SHARON

January 22, 2003

Friends, again I would encourage you to express your love to your family and friends. It is best that we do so while they are with us than wish we had when they are gone.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author/Poet/Hugger copyright 4-28-2008

A PERSPECTIVE ON PERSPECTIVES

This is a photo of a 1921 Ford Motel T 2 Chemical Tank Fire Truck
Moe spent 20 years rebuilding it. It was the oldest privately owned vehicle in New York State. He drove it in many parades.
Following his death it was donated, by his wife, Maxine, and Son, Moe, to
the Melrose, NY Volunteer Fire Department
(Cousins Bob and Dianne are shown with it)

There are several ways to look at varying perspectives. One is with a humorous slant.

My oldest brother, Roy, who was a pastor, came home to visit the family. He was having some problems with his car stalling. One of my other brothers, Moe, who was a mechanic, started to remove the carburetor to overhaul it. The wrench slipped and his knuckle smashed against the manifold. He shot out a couple of cuss words.

Roy told him, "With a mouth like that you could never become a preacher."

To which Moe responded, "Yes, and with a mouth like yours you could never become a mechanic!"

I imagine from reading this humorous anecdote, you are thinking that Moe had a foul mouth. In reality, that was not the case. It was only in a knuckle knocking situation that a cuss word would come out. No, Moe, was a gentle man with a tender heart. Let's look at him from another perspective.

I remember when we were young, regardless of his situation, (we were poor growing up) he would always find money to buy my mother flowers on special days. As an adult he did the same for his wife.

The anecdote is also misleading in that Moe preached sermons every day through the life he lived. At one time he owned his own garage. One of his customers, a Probation Officer, approached him one day to see if he would hire a juvenile delinquent to work for him and teach him how to become a mechanic. The older teen had been arrested for petty theft and shop lifting. The Probation Officer was certain the young man was headed to jail if he didn't straighten out. Gentle hearted Moe, who knew how to interact well with teenagers, agreed to hire him.

A few weeks later, Moe had to leave work early. He turned to Tom, handed him the keys to the garage, and asked him to close up, including counting the cash receipts. Tom looked at him and said, "Moe, didn't my Probation Officer, tell you I am a thief, I was arrested for stealing?"

Moe responded, "You’re not a thief now, you are my right hand man. I'll see you in the morning."

Tears ran down Tom's face. While working for Moe, Tom enrolled in mechanic classes and became a certified mechanic.

Not only did Moe live his faith on a daily basis, he also had an opportunity to preach a sermon. The text he used for his sermon is found in Matthew 5:13-16 (NKJV) "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

His message follows:

First, to get things rolling in an auto, you get a good spark. In the Christian, the spark is the turning of your life over to the Lord and leaving it in his hands.

When a Christian has the Lord on his side, he has the fuel to go forward. For an auto, as you know, there are two kinds of fuel: high test and regular. In the Christian, you have two types also: the high test Christian, who is a strong type and the regular type, who is the weaker of the two.

When you have the fuel, the next thing you need is lubrication. In the automobile, it makes things run smoothly. It is the same in the Christian's life. In the automobile, it is grease and oil, but in the Christian, it is the Holy Spirit.

To run smoothly on the road, good steering is necessary. A guide to good steering of an auto is the American Automobile Association. This association guides the driver in the best roads and aids if he has car trouble. In the Christian steering is done by the Lord through the church and even more important, prayer.

Through prayer, the Lord lights your path, while in the automobile the headlights serve that purpose. Prayer aids through darkest troubles while headlights guide in darkest night.

Today, the body of an auto is streamlined in design which adds to its beauty and aids it to cut the wind and push ahead without as much effort. In a Christian, the body design is his way of living. If you live a true Christian life, you are able to aid weaker Christians and help them to face and defeat the storms of life. Your Christian character is your body design.

An automobile needs good brakes to keep it from danger and becoming involved in accidents. A Christian needs good brakes to avoid the sins of the world. His brake is the ability to say no to worldly things, and yes, to the Lord.

And last, but not least, is the horn. In a car the horn gives warning to the pedestrians that you are coming. The horn of a Christian is his testimony. His testimony tells a sinner of the coming of the Lord.

The closing hymn for the service was "Stepping in the Light"

I believe Moe's sermon reflects the truth of his Christian life in a language he understood as an auto mechanic. His life exemplified his basic Christian beliefs which he carried out in his daily life through service to others. As a master mechanic he followed his master's voice in helping others travel the road of life.

In taking a look at my brother Moe's life it makes me pause and reflect on how I relate my experiences in life to my daily walk. Does my poetry and writing reflect my understanding of Christ's great love toward all of his creation? Do I walk daily in love showing respect to others and honoring God's great creation?

May I raise the same questions with you? How do you apply your knowledge of God and his Word to your work and your walk?

You see, it is all a matter of perspective. What will your focus be upon today? Let's walk in the Light as He is in the Light.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, author/poet 1101 words ©4/15/08

DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES

Last week the leader of our writers’ group gave each one of us a half circle of glass and told us to write about it. It is about one half inch round and a quarter inch high at its highest point.

This week we all shared what we had written. We all had different perspectives about it. A lady who is writing a children’s story saw it as a pair of spectacles for her main frog character. Another saw it as a creator of rainbows. To another it was a raindrop on a leaf. I saw it as follows:

HALF MARBLE

Poor, pure half marble lying there,
You cause me to stop and stare.
Broken in half you cannot roll,
A nasty chip did take its toll.

You are so pure I see through you,
It helps me know what you can do.
I hold you up close to my eye,
Your purpose is to magnify!

Reminds me of a maiden fair,
Who in joy loudly did declare,
"My soul doth magnify the Lord."
Her Son by all will be adored!

A lens my dear half marble is,
You magnify all that is His.
I hold you up against His Word,
It tells the sweetest story heard.

The truth becomes so clear to me,
It fills my soul with joy and glee.
And so with Mary, much adored,
My soul doth magnify my Lord.

Don E. Cunningham, Author/poet ©4/3/2008 142 words.