THE QUARTER-HUG

We had a wonderful visit with our niece who was visiting us from my old hometown, Troy, New York. I am now ready to continue a series of posts on "HUGS". My initial article on Hugs, posted in March, 2007 explained reasons why I hug.

Today, I am relating experiences with what I call the "quarter-hug" which I share with tellers at our local credit union.

Our newly formed non-profit organization, had elected officers and prepared to set up our banking accounts. We made an appointment at our local credit union to meet with the new manager. When we arrived the smiling manager welcomed us into his office.

After all the myriad of papers had been signed, we all stood to leave. Jim, the manager, shook hands with each one of the board officers. As he turned toward me he saw my outstretched arms. I took a couple of steps toward him and gave him a hug. I stepped back and noticed that he had a surprised looking half-smile on his face. We thanked him for his help and left.

A couple of weeks later, my wife, Sharon and I had to have some papers notarized. We signed in at the credit union. The manager led us into his office. Almost immediately he recognized me and commented, "Oh, you're the hugger."

I smiled and said, "I sure am, so you know what's coming."

He smiled and said, "I'm not used to having customers hug me."

"Isn't it nice to have one who does?" I responded.


A faint smile crossed his face. We completed our business, we thanked him and I gave him another hug.

After that, whenever I went to the bank and noticed he wasn't too busy, I walked into his office for a hug. I was always greeted with a broad smile.

A couple of years before he arrived I began reaching over the wide counter and hugging the tellers. One day a new teller was at one of the windows. After completing my deposit, he asked if there was anything further he could do for me. I responded with my usual, "Yes, I could use my half-a-hug."

He looked at the distance between us and replied, "You, mean a quarter-hug, don't you?" With that we both laughed and "quarter-hugged." Thus was born the quarter-hug, which continues eleven years later.

Over the years, due to the quarter-hug, some other humorous incidents have occurred. A couple of them follow.

A few months ago a new teller waited on me. As we finished, I raised my arms and started to ask for my usual quarter-hug. Before I could get the words out, the young teller smiled broadly and exclaimed, "Oh, you must be the little old quarter-hugger they told me about in training."

I thought, "What a credit union, preparing new staff for the 'little old quarter-hugger!'"

The second humorous incident occurred with my wife, Sharon. A couple of months ago she went into the credit union to cash a check. A new teller was being trained by another experienced staff member. Sharon placed the check on the counter and asked to cash it. The new teller asked her to see her driver's license. The experienced trainer said, "She's okay, we all know her, she's the wife of the old quarter-hugger." I found it very amusing, especially since my wife goes there much more often than I do.

A few weeks ago I was in the credit union to make a deposit. As I was standing in line one of the management staff walked through the lobby. She stopped to chat and gave me a hug. When I completed my transaction I reached over the counter and gave the teller a quarter-hug. Usually, when I do it, people in line snicker. This time however, one of the men who was in line behind me commented, "What a credit union, they even hug the customers!"

As a special anniversary celebration the credit union invited its members to a reception in a large conference room at a local hotel. Many of the top administrators were there receiving members. I gave each one of them a hug. After the first few in line the remainder knew that a hug was on its way. Isn't it nice to know that your financial institution has huggable staff and administrators?

Have you quarter-hugged your teller lately?

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author Copyright 7-31-07 669

LEARNING TO FORGIVE

In our final online workshop session regarding divorce, we come to one of the most difficult, yet, very necessary actions if we are to heal from the hurt of divorce. Learning to forgive ourselves, our former spouses and others who contributed to the trauma during our divorce, does not come easy, but for peace in our hearts it must be learned and applied to our lives.

Mr. Webster defines forgive as: to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon. While it is a simple enough definition, giving up all the hurts and anger associated with our divorces is a much more complex process.

As a motivation for us to learn forgiveness, let me use a quotation from the famous preacher, Charles Hadden Spurgeon.

In his message, "Forgiveness Made Easy" he expounds upon the verse "Forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."-Ephesians 4:32. He tells us:

"Grasp it as with a hand of steel; grip it as for life: "God for Christ's sake hath forgiven me," may each one of us be able to say that. We shall not feel the divine sweetness and force
of the text unless we can make a personal matter of it by the Holy Ghost."

"Then notice that God has forgiven us continuously. He not only forgave us at the first all our sins, but he continues daily to forgive, for the act of forgiveness is a continuous one. I have sometimes heard it said that we were so forgiven when we first believed that there is no need to ask for further forgiveness; to which I reply, 'We were so completely forgiven when we first believed that we ought continually to ask for the perpetuity of that one far-reaching act, that the Lord may continue to exert towards us that fullness of forgiving grace which absolved us perfectly at the first, that we may continue to walk before him with a sense of that complete forgiveness, clear and unquestioned.'"

The coach of Rutgers Women's Basketball team when asked about Imus said, "We are in the process of forgiving him."

So it is with divorce related forgiveness. It is a process that ebbs and flows back and forth with varying emotions. We reach point of forgiveness then something happens that stirs our emotions and hurts return. We struggle with the emotions and memories and come to a point where we forgive again. So it goes, and over a long period, sometimes years, we finally relinquish the resentments and anger. At last we find peace with ourselves and others.

In my book I outline the process I went through to learn and give forgiveness. (pg 76)

"How often I prayed, 'Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.' Had this prayer become just a ritual, or was it a prayer from my heart?"

"If from the heart, it required action. True forgiveness, like love, must be acted upon. I approached Maria three times and asked her to forgive me. I sought her forgiveness twice during the time of our divorce and again following it. The two apologies made during the divorce are mentioned elsewhere. The one following the divorce was shortly before she remarried. She had not come to the point where she felt she could forgive me."

"In my healing, I focused on my sins, attitudes, and behaviors that contributed to my divorce. Yet there were still those negative things previously mentioned that she had done to me that would fester up and cause pain."

"Gradually, as I grew through my divorce, I was able to deal with them, recognize them within the context of her life, and forgive her. This applied not only to our marriage and divorce, but to things done following our divorce. Whether a former spouse asks for forgiveness or not, for true healing, one must forgive as the causes of injury become evident to him or her."

The healing spirit of forgiveness does not come easy, but it does bring peace. Many pages later in my book and life I comment: (Pg 98)

"Other areas that had been healed were feelings of anger and bitterness. I had been able to unconditionally forgive myself, Maria, Mavis, and others who had played negative roles during and after my divorce."

"I had heard Paul's admonition to the Ephesians and applied it to my life:"

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you,
with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even
as God in Christ forgave you."
. . .
In this final session I want to share another poem with you. I hope it will help you see the blessing of accepting God's forgiveness and extending it to your former spouse and others who may have injured you.

Divorce and God's Grace

For months I struggle - really grope,
A divorced person without hope.
My world exploded - blown apart,
My sins have broken my hard heart.

Friends departed, I am alone,
Even God's grace cannot atone.
Divorce has come through my cold heart.
My sins keep God and me apart.

If divorce is beyond God's grace,
I must run a grief - stricken race.
My heart and soul are in despair,
Can it be that God does not care?

He says He heals the broken heart,
And gives us all a fresh new start.
And yet I hear preachers proclaim,
"You, the divorced, must bear your shame!

Mind and soul confused, in distress,
Who will save me from my mess?
God forgives murderer and thief,
Yet His grace cannot spare my grief.

Can it be that my God is dead?
In His word this I never read.
His Spirit's Love touches my heart,
"I still love you; we'll never part."

Death of marriage His voice still heard,
"Child, please study my precious Word.
In Scripture my truth is revealed,
Study its pages and be healed."

I studied its pages and found
Sin abounded, grace more abounds.
Does it work with sins of divorce?
Can it be He shares my remorse?

I look in His law, find His grace,
Great tears of joy flow down my face.
Divorced daughter at table eats,
Sits with priest father, shares his meats!

Christ never divorced. Can it be,
He was tempted and tried like me?
Look to the prophets in remorse,
Their words show God got a divorce!

Christ gives body for me and you,
Sins forgiven through His blood, too.
Man of sorrows, stricken with grief,
Brings me forgiveness - sweet relief!

Yes, a hardened heart has been healed,
As it was broken, sins revealed.
Christ helped me see them - I confessed,
Then He forgave me, cleansed and blessed.

For those who would like to meditate on this poem using verses of Scripture I reflected upon while writing each stanza, please refer to Appendix C. In it are applicable verses placed between each stanza. The Scripture helps one understand that God's Word is with us each step of the way as we walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce.

I cannot urge you enough to learn the grace of forgiveness and remember you may find that in this process things may occur that bring back angry memories. Stop again and forgive.

Especially, learn to forgive yourself. Our Lord is a FORGIVING GOD. As His children let us follow His example and in love learn to forgive.

Let me conclude this final session of my workshop with another quote from Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

"Remember, when you have conquered yourself you have conquered the world. You have
overcome everybody when you have so fully overcome your own spirit that you remain content with that which naturally would excite your wrath."

As we conclude our workshop I would encourage you to buy a copy of my book which includes many more helpful suggestions, questions and poetry.

Next week our very dear niece, Elizabeth, will be visiting us and I may not be able to post an article on HUGS. I hope you will join me in the ensuing weeks when I will be posting a series of articles on my HUG experiences. May the Lord be your source of comfort and peace.

HUGS, IN CHRIST'S AND MY LOVE,

Don E. Cunningham, Author © 7/11/07 1368

LOVE IS FOREVER

Today, we look at LOVE IS FOREVER. It is the final "F" word in our section of the workshop on Remarriage. You have walked along beside me as I have given you my perspective on remarriage. Now I want to share with you Sharon's perspective on our twenty-six years of marital bliss and challenges. After all, there are two perspectives in a marital relationship.

Sharon's initial comments were written on the occasion of our second anniversary. This is followed by her remarks after twenty-five years of marriage. How blessed I am to be married to such a sensitive loving lady. (Her comments are found on pages 176 - 177 in my book)

Dearest Wonderful Husband

It seems so hard to believe we've had two years of marriage already. I want to savor our time together, so I hate to see it flow so quickly. I remember writing you a letter on our last anniversary and thought it might be nice to do again. I remember listing the worries and concerns I had to overcome when we got married. Funny, you know I don't recall what they were.

All my memories are of the contented moments of this past year - moments spent at your side or in your arms. I bask in your love and the wonderful way you accept me with all my shortcomings and eccentricities (even pretending I don't have any). How can I tell you how much I love and appreciate you? That beyond my loving you as I do, I see you as a man to admire, be proud of, respect ... whose value is "far above rubies."

Of course it is possible I may be highly prejudiced, but I believe I married one of God's finest. I know many people get married with "stars in their eyes" and then reality sets in and the glow wears off. I know usually couples have to undergo a "period of adjustment." Why haven't we experienced this? I guess the Lord just matched us so well that we didn't need it.

I do know I love you even more than on our first anniversary or even our honeymoon. Sometime I still have trouble believing how beautiful our marriage is. I remember
your telling me about your list of 'what you wanted in a wife." Have I ever told you that I didn't even know what a good husband was like? I didn't know enough to even make a list.

But God has shown me, through you, what His list is like, and I love the example. We have had a good full year this last year-blest with each other's love, good health, good friends, material goods, and even travel "adventure!" How good God has been to us!

My cup truly "runneth over." I don't know what the Lord has in store for us this next
year. It has to be for good. As we are told, we'll just have to trust, won't we?

I am not so afraid of losing any of my earthly possessions (I've been poor before). I only pray we never lose our love for each other. All the "things" in my life could be gone tomorrow, and as long as you were with me, it would be bearable. On the other hand, if you weren't at my side, the "things" wouldn't mean a thing!

Wonderful husband; my friend, my lover; half of "my flesh"; please forgive my not always being alert to your needs and not always being the wife I'd like to be. You never make me feel I've let you down, yet I know there must be times.

I love you so very, very much. Thank you for another wonderful year of being your wife.

Sharon

It has been twenty-five years since I wrote this letter to Don. As you can tell from what he has written in previous chapters, we have had many challenges to our marriage. These outside forces and health problems have only strengthened our marriage.

During the ensuing years, the things I said in my letter have deepened in meaning. We have parted with many of our earthly possessions. We have gone from owning a lovely home to renting a much smaller apartment.

The ravages of mold, chemicals, pesticides, etc., have compromised our immune and
central nervous systems. Other major health conditions have taken their toll upon us.

Yes, things and health have disappeared, but we are still husband and wife, friends and lovers. While our flesh is no longer as strong as it used to be, we are still one flesh in Christ. It seems like the older and weaker we become, the closer we are bound together in love.

It is my sincere prayer that those who read this book may experience the joy and love Don and I have shared. We can tell you from experience that Christ and His Word truly can make divorce and remarriage beautiful in His time.

Sharon Cunningham

Yes, dear friends, the experiences I share with you in my book and in this workshop are true. Men and women can have no more blessed experience than to be married to spouses who share their love unconditionally. Such has been Sharon and my experience.

The beauty of LOVE described by Paul in First Corinthians Thirteen is like a beautiful rainbow, with many facets, that shine forth in an enduring LOVE relationship! May you share the beauty of that rainbow of love in your marriage.

I would like to conclude with a poem that I wrote to Sharon on our twenty-sixth anniversary.

The spark that kindled it came from a lady who was coordinating a photo shot of Sharon and me. We were seated gazing romantically at each other. Just as the photographer took the photo the lady said to Sharon, "My husband would die for your LOOK OF LOVE." Hence, the poem was born. I hope you enjoy it.

YOUR LOOK OF LOVE

Your look of LOVE through fair blue eyes.
Tell all it's me you idolize.
Displayed in other ways it's true,
Your Love you show in all you do.

Your look of LOVE flows through my soul,
It makes its very essence whole.
It looks within my loving heart,
Its treasures there it doth impart.

What are these treasures that unfold?
They are finer than purest gold.
Bright HOPE I see within your eyes,
To earth you've brought me paradise.

A Princess true with servant's hands,
You see my needs, meet their demands.
I need not ask for anything,
You always treat me like a king.

So now your LOVE I will extol,
In brokenness you made me whole
The life I live bathed in your LOVE,
Like flowing fountains from above.

Ears that listen to what I say,
Words of wisdom you send my way,
Your lips so soft with honey flow,
Clearly reflect your inner glow

Embodied in that special look,
Are stories that could fill a book.
Of faith, of life - vitality.
I Love your creativity.

Your look of LOVE enraptures me,
And it will glow eternally.
Implanted by our loving Lord,
Always by me you'll be adored.

I LOVE your LOOK of LOVE!!

HAPPY TWENTY-SIXTH ANNIVERSARY!

HUGS, IN CHRIST’S AND MY LOVE,
DON February 14, 2007

May you experience that "Look Of Love" in your remarriage.

In the weeks that follow I will be relating some of my HUG experiences. I hope you will join me in the wonderful world of HUGS. Remember You Are HUGGABLE! I’m sending you one now, catch it and give yourself a hug for me.

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author © 6/10/07 1277

HEALING OF A FRACTURED SELF IMAGE

Over the last few weeks we have looked at several of the F words of Divorce. Some of us held to a very strict interpretation of marriage as being FOREVER. Sort of a "Once hitched never ditched" philosophy. That is until we were "Ditched".

Then came the FRUSTRATION of being in a dysfunctional family relationship without being able to resolve the issues involved.

We faced the need to confront the guilt associated with FAILURE in our marriage.

We took a special look at recognizing patterns of spousal and child abuse, along with FEAR of the unknown.

Pointing FINGERS and helping hands showed us the affect of Divorce on FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Then came the wonderful revelation of our Father's invitation to FELLOWSHIP at His Table.

This week we embrace the marvel of learning how to HEAL a FRACTURED self image. This was one of the most powerful experiences I have had in my life.

These insights can help you move along your path of HEALING. You notice I say path, as Healing is not like a bolt of lightning striking us and we are healed. No, it is like walking beside a peaceful stream in the dreary dry desert of divorce where we stop to take a sip of living water to quench our thirst.

A couple of years ago, Sharon and I had live blood cell tests completed. A special microscope recorded the activity of the cells as they moved about in a droplet of blood. Red cells that were properly hydrated were round and healthy looking. One’s that were dehydrated were odd shape and looked drab.

One of the other interesting things to watch was the white cells which were going about in that drop of blood picking up the heavy metals and other waste materials. What they couldn't swallow they towed, much like a combination little tow and garbage truck picking up waste.

So it is with us as we journey through the desert of divorce. We need a refreshing drink of the water of life. Water which Christ offers us is vital, living water that will cleanse our souls and bring healing.

John 4:10 - 14 - Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."'

The woman said to Him, "Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water?"

"Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?"'

Jesus answered and said to her, "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life."'

In my book I refer to this kind of experience in a different metaphor. The experience came while I was listening to Doug Oldham singing verses from a spiritual song, "So you failed in life's battle, failed to accomplish your mighty plans, pick up the broken pieces, take them to your Lord, He knows and understands." I related this in my book as the "Shattered Platter" experience. It was an opportunity to grow. (Ch 6 pg 67 par 1)

How that squared with what I was experiencing in my heart. The more I thought on these verses and my broken platter, the clearer the cause of my guilt and shame became.

Within my heart I learned divorce was not just a single sin, but a composite of sins that contributed to my divorce! The broken pieces of my shattered platter were not clean as though the platter had just been removed from a dishwasher. No, they were from a dirty, germ-ridden dish that had helped cause the death of a floundering relationship.

If I were to find cleansing and healing it must be through His Word. Paul related this need for cleansing in Ephesians 5:25 - 26 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.

Many today do not like to speak of "sins" needing confessing and cleansing. If you prefer you may look at them as personality traits that we need to recognize and place them in a new perspective so that we will not continue demonstrating the negative traits in our interaction with others. We have the ability to change and become new in our relationships. (Ch 6 pg69 par3)

During that time of healing, I came to realize that God was not only forgiving my sins, He was cleansing my life. As He was putting the shattered platter back together He was making it squeaky-clean. I was carefully checking each piece, washing it through the renewing of His Word, and piecing it back together with the bond of His love.

My heart no longer cried, "Unclean, unclean." The inner turmoil was being relieved.

I believe an important part of my healing came through professional counseling. It can also be a big help to you. ( p 67 and 69)

How was I to find the broken pieces, loaded with sin, and take them to my Lord? My counseling with Dr. Samuel McDill, a Christian marriage and family counselor, was going well.

In addition to his most helpful counseling, I decided to contact the widow of the Christian psychologist from whom I received counseling when attempting to save my marriage.

Fortunately, she was understanding and willingly sent me not only my tests results, but also his notes. What a godsend!

The next few months, I prayed and poured over all the material she sent me and discussed it with Dr. Sam. Through these insights, I picked up my broken pieces and began to put my shattered platter back together. Oh, the imperfection - no, dark sins - I needed to deal with.

How my soul agonized over those broken pieces: selfishness, blocking, denial, internal anger, and insecurity. While there had been no marital infidelity, how far I fell short of the admonitions in I Corinthians 13. What a large, dirty platter it had been.

(P 69 - 70) Nine months after my separation, Dr. Sam had me take another Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis Profile. There were dramatic changes from my previous tests. I had moved from nervous to more composed; from very depressed to lighthearted; from moderately quiet to socially active; from very inhibited to more expressive and responsive; from indifferent
to highly sympathetic; from subjective to more objective; from submissive to mid-line dominant; from moderately hostile to very tolerant; and from very self-disciplined to a more moderate level. Six of the profiles were now in the excellent range; two were acceptable; and one was one point into the improvement desirable range.

I was healing and growing through my divorce!

As we work our way through the healing process we move from fear to healing. We develop a fresh self esteem and can find strength in each accomplishment. p 69

The fear of being really known by others dropped away. New, more open and affirming interaction began with friends and coworkers. From years of experience and education, I had
rarely hugged anyone. My cool reserve of not touching or being touched by others disappeared. I found myself supportively hugging others. Looking back, what a big step that was!

Over the years, I have come to believe that hugs are one of mankind's basic needs.

Friend, as you are walking through your desert of divorce, stop along the way and take a sip of our Lord's loving, living water. While you linger there give yourself a hug. Remember, you are HUGGABLE!

In closing this session I am including a poem that I wrote following my Shattered Platter experience. I hope it will be a blessing and encouragement to you. (Pgs 72-73)

Divorce's Depression - Forgiveness's Delight

I wept all night, depressed alone,
For my sins He could not atone.
My heart broken, I wept and wept,
My soul by Him could not be kept.

I wept all night, depressed alone,
There were those who cast a first stone.
My heart cried out, "Where are you God,
Would I be best beneath the sod?"

Dreadful sin, in my deep remorse,
Could not keep it from its course.
Must I forever then remain,
Beneath its sinful, rotten stain?

Then one bright night a new song came,
It did my raging heartache tame.
It sang of broken hearts and plans,
And said to place them in Christ's hands.

Divorce is a sin composite,
My heart doth grieve and wants to quit.
In hardened arteries of my soul,
I let sins take their dreadful toll.

A hardened heart, shattered, broken,
The Potter's hand, it has spoken.
Pick up each piece as it's my sin,
Let my Lord cleanse me from within.

Then I came to my Savior fair,
Confessed each sin and tarried there.
He cleansed me of my sins galore,
And told me, "Go, and sin no more."

My spirit leapt; I found his grace,
Each of my sins was cleansed - erased!
I could rejoice in heart and soul,
You see, His grace had made me whole.

Fresh tears flowed down, I found release,

My Savior brought me precious peace.
A special text, I now make mine,
'Tis First John one, the verse is nine.

Now free at last, my loss was gain,
As His blessed child I still remain.
Dear Lord don't ever let me slip,
And lose our precious fellowship.

This poem was written after my "Broken Platter" experience.

For those who would like to gain additional insights into this poem, please refer to Appendix A of this book. I have included Scripture verses that I applied to my life while writing this poem. The applicable verses are inserted between the appropriate stanzas of the poem. As one experiences the emotional turmoil of divorce, it is important to relate to biblical truths as written by those who walked with God through the upheavals of life.

Our next session will address Forgiving and will be the online workshop presentation on Divorce and Remarriage. In following posts we will be HUG experiences. Remember YOU ARE HUGGABLE!

Don E. Cunningham, Author ©7/9/07 1737

PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

It is important for couples to plan for their future. Whether a summer -winter marriage or a similar age marriage it is important to develop a long term plan. Some young couples feel that they have a long life ahead of them and why think about what may happen in the future.

Many fail to plan for their retirement, medical needs and children's education. Before we know it poor health, old age and death can creep up on us. Or death may come suddenly. We know it is going to come sometime so why not prepare for it and have it off our minds?

Let me relate Sharon and my experience and plan.

We began planning for our FUTURE shortly after our honeymoon. A few weeks after our wedding I began talking to Sharon about writing a will. Initially, she thought I was obsessed with death.

I explained to her that shortly after I moved back into my mobile home a neighbor told me she saw my former wife enter my home and leave with some files in her hands. It turned out that my will and some insurance policies were missing. The following Saturday I changed all the locks on my mobile home. From this experience, it became clear that it was important to have everything updated. (p-164 - 165 par2 & 3)

When Sharon saw how important this area was to me, she consented to having a new will drawn up. An attorney friend, a former associate with me in social work, met with us to draw up the will.

He made it clear to Sharon that she was free to have another attorney work on her behalf. She decided that he could draw up both of our wills. After reviewing my part of the will, he began discussing with Sharon which persons she wanted to include in hers. She said she would like to name me first, and then my sons as her beneficiaries.

When I told her she didn't need to name my sons in her will, she looked hurt and responded, "Don't you know I love them as much as you do?"

That is the only time I have seen a tear trickle down an attorney's face.

What a gracious lady I had married!

Over the years Sharon and I, through the guidance of an Elder Lawyer, have broadened our long range plan and now have a Living Trust. Initially, we had our trust drawn up by an attorney, who we learned later did not specialize in Elder Law. I was so uncomfortable with the trust that I had a Phoenix based Elder Law firm, Morris, Hall and Kinghorn, review it for us. They found that many important areas had not been addressed in the trust. They revised it for us. To be certain it is kept current, we have it reviewed and updated by them every three years.

Even though you may be a young couple, if you are planning to set up a Living Trust I strongly recommend that you seek out an Elder Lawyer. He can guide you in how best to plan for not only your, but your children's future needs.

Our long range plan now includes a Trust, a Long Term Care policy, cremation and interment plan. I have also outlined my memorial service, written a farewell letter to family and friends, etc..

When our health worsened we entered the Good Samaritan Society senior independent living apartments which assures us a continuum of care and services. (pg 167 par 3&4)

With this, as in much of our planning, various factors were involved. For several years I have been a member of the Prescott Valley Samaritan Center Advisory Board. I fully support their philosophy of ministry. It is summed up in their motto,

"In Christ's Love, everyone is someone."

I have seen this in operation throughout the organization. It is the kind of setting in which Sharon and I would be comfortable.

Another important consideration is that once we resided in one of their facilities, we would be in their continuum of care. If we came to the point of requiring additional services, we could hire outside help or move within the system to a higher level of care.

In a summer-autumn marriage, this is a very important consideration. With our age difference and a history of Alzheimer's disease in Sharon's family, this would assure that a system of care is in place for her.

Our trust names a loving, caring niece to handle our affairs when that becomes necessary. even though she lives across the country, she will be able to coordinate with the facility to assure that care needs are met as
they arise.

I want to share with you now a poem I wrote to Sharon in celebration of our twenty fifth wedding anniversary. How blest we have been. (Pgs 161 & 162)

Our Silver Bells Ring

Our silver bells are ringing clear,
They tell of all that we hold dear.
Twenty-five years of precious love,
Bountiful blessings from above!

Our happiness the day we wed,
Throughout our marriage has been spread.
The frosting on our cake was sweet,
But with our Love it can't compete.

Twenty-five years, our love has grown,
How glad we are the seed was sown.
So many joys that we have reaped.
Blessings on blessings have been heaped.

Many joys and stresses we've known,
And through it all our love has shone.
Aging come - illness follows fast,
But through it all our love will last.

Thank you Lord for our Precious Love,
Your bounty to us from above.
Our years of marriage you have blest,
Helped love to grow through every test.

The silver bells joyously ring,
Our message clear to all they bring.
We say to all the good news spread,

We're thankful for the day we wed.

HUGS, IN CHRIST'S AND OUR LOVE
ON OUR TWENTY-FIFTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Don E. Cunningham, Author

While it is stressful to pull together a long range plan the peace it brings, knowing that you and your family have prepared for your future, is well worth the effort. To help you with your planning I prepared "My Life End Planning Booklet" which which may be downloaded free from this website.

If you have further questions please leave a comment or contact me. I will be glad to assist you.

I pray that your lives may be as blessed as Sharon and mine.

Join me next week for the final posting on Remarriage. We will be looking at the final "F" word: Remarriage is FOREVER. It will include comments from Sharon and another poem.

There will be two more postings on Divorce. Following this online workshop I will be presenting some articles on "HUGS"

Hugs, In Christ's and My Love,

Don E. Cunningham, Author © July 2, 2007 1172

FELLOWSHIP AT OUR LORD'S TABLE

Following the pointing finger experience on our church parking lot I felt out of fellowship with other church members and believed that I could not share in communion.

The apostle Paul told us in I Corinthians 11: 28 - 32. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread and drink of that cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep. For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world.

While I still felt the presence of the Lord in my life I was clearly out of fellowship with other church members. I struggled with this issue until I came across some scripture in the book of Leviticus which clearly showed that Our Lord wanted me to fellowship at His table.

Yes, He invites the divorced to His table and He understands us! In my book I relate it as follows: (Pgs 79-80)

In Leviticus 22, God Himself speaks of who may and may not eat at the priest's table. At least ten times in this chapter, God refers to "holy things" that are hallowed to Him. In Leviticus 22:13, the widow and divorced woman are placed on the same level of treatment by their priest father.

The clear implication is that the divorced woman and her minor children should also be included in the circle of care. They are suffering from the death of a relationship. Fellowship around the Lord's Table is a strong symbol of acceptance and support, especially needed by those suffering along the pathway of divorce.

"But if the priest's daughter is a widow or divorced, and has no child, and has returned to her father's house as in her youth, she may eat of her father's food, but no outsider shall eat it."

The very meat offered to God and returned by Him to the priest shall be eaten by the divorced daughter! Imagine, a dinner planned by God, and commanded by Him to be eaten by a worthless-feeling, divorced person! Oh, what unconditional love coming out of the Book of the Law. How can the church, under grace, do any less than to invite the penitent divorced person to fellowship fully with it?

In my book I provide further details on how the offering referred to equates with the Lord's Supper in the New Testament. Burdened soul, examine your heart, God declares you worthy to eat at His table.

In my heart I knew that Jesus understood my trauma of divorce. But, Jesus was never married how could He truly understand? Then I discovered that metaphorically speaking He was divorced. (pg 87)

Many times I have heard and said, "No one understands like Jesus." Hebrews 4:15 clearly states, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin."

Then one day while I was reading in the book of Jeremiah, I came upon a verse that read, "Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel committed adultery, I had put her away, and given her a certificate of divorce." (Jeremiah 3:8) My Lord was divorced! He knew exactly how I felt. What a marvelous revelation that was! But I must know more. How did He handle His feelings regarding His divorce?

One only has to look at Chapters two and three of Jeremiah to see God's great heartache over the loss of his bride, Israel. How much He had done for her. Even though He pleaded with her to return to Him she rejected Him and played the harlot.

YES, our Lord understands our heartache and wants to bring healing into our lives. He invites us to fellowship at His table.

Please join me next week when we look at the HEALING of a FRACTURED Self Image. Our Lord is FAITHFUL in His promises. There is HOPE and Healing in His plan for your life.